Words are powerful and form a “love language” for couples in relationships as they become “words of affirmation”. In this post, we list some examples of love language affirmations that you can use to create intimacy between you and your partner/spouse.
Not everyone is eloquent, but we would encourage you to notice how your partner responds to the different words you speak to them and increase the ones that work best.
Although words of affirmation are not a prerequisite in a relationship they show your sensitive side, and this makes your partner feel good.
A scientific approach to love language
Working with couples as a marriage counsellor, Gary Chapman, PhD, developed the love language system, in which he reasoned that there are five love languages:
- Words of affirmation
- Quality time
- Acts of service
He says we all enjoy and experience one or two, of the above, dominant love language styles in our relationships. Couples who connect through these styles feel more “seen” in their relationships, so developing your unique “love language” will help convey the deepest, most essential parts of you to your partner.
Take a look at the video by Wisdom for Life which explains all 5 of the love languages – it’s really enlightening!
What is a love language?
Love language is simply you sharing your feelings of appreciation with your partner/spouse.
You don’t have to be highly sentimental or overly sexy, just use positive reinforcement to uplift and support.
Words of affirmation go a long way to strengthening bonds and building trust and confidence within a relationship.
It is simple to do
It can be as simple as noticing and acknowledging your partner’s new haircut.
If you think, “why would that make a difference to them, they know it looks good?” Ask yourself, would I like someone to acknowledge my new haircut?
Remember everyone needs a little encouragement, even the most secure people need it as it will make them feel good about themselves.
Example phrases that you can use
Love affirmations are used to remind people that they are loved and cherished. Here are 9 examples of positive love language:
- I’m the lucky one – being with you means everything to me.
- You are a star! You always know what to say to make me feel great.
- The more I know you, the more I feel I would be lost without you.
- Thanks for helping me, I know you would always do it anyway, but I am always going to thank you too.
- Knowing you have my back and support me, makes me think I can really achieve my goal.
- I sometimes have low days at work, and thinking of you makes me smile as I can’t wait to be in your arms again.
- Every time I see you, it’s like the first time. The inner beauty radiates through. I’m so glad that you are with me.
- I love sharing our days together, it makes me really proud to be seen with my sweetheart on my arm!
- I love the family we have created together, they have made my life complete.
I recognise I need words of affirmation
The best way to get more words of affirmation is to always let your partner know when they have said something you appreciate.
If you have a partner who is less prone to speaking about emotions, encourage and guide them, but never embarrass them on their shortcomings.
Will my partner respond to words of affirmation?
Paying attention to your partner’s response to what you say will be a big clue to whether their love language is “words” – you’ll know when you have it right, as they will light up.
If they do gravitate to words, every phrase will have great meaning to them, whether it is positive or negative – so choose your words wisely!
Refuelling your love language
Everyone needs to feel stable in a relationship, so refuelling with the spoken word can really reinforce this.
Here are our top tips for refuelling:
Write a note
If you struggle to speak of your feelings to your partner, try writing:
- A note filled with compliments
- Send a text each day
- Send them a card (even if you live in the same house!) – it’s fun and quirky and it speaks volumes.
Change it up
If you are able to speak your words of affirmation, don’t fall into the trap of using the same words every time, as it can then sound hollow.
Tune in to your partner’s love language likes.
- Do they like comments on their looks?
- Do they feel valued for their contributions?
- Do they feel valued for their strengths?
This is not a one size fits all, explore the possibilities as it’s a beautifully unique part of your relationship.
Be yourself or it will sound and feel awkward.
Keep it fresh
Look for something new and quirky to express your love language. Walk along the beach and draw a heart in the sand.
Write a message of love in the dust on your partner’s dirty car!
It certainly made me laugh and smile when that happened to me.
If words of affirmation are your partner’s primary love language they will see through false platitudes.
Be more empathetic
By showing empathy and recognising how your partner is feeling, especially if they are feeling down, they will be able to be their authentic self around you.
Partners often say, “you don’t have to thank me”, but you always should as it shows your appreciation for what they do.
Praise your partner in front of friends & family
Telling friends and family how awesome you think your partner will help strengthen bonds, plus create bonds between them and your friends and family.
Recognise your partner's strengths
Recognising and appreciating your partner’s strengths lets them know you see the value in who they are and strengthens the bond you have between you.
Creating pet names can be a fun game, but always be encouraging with them, not toxic.
Creating pet names can be a fun game, to bring a couple together for a laugh.
Be aware that it is better to find an encouraging, positive name which you can tease them with, rather than resorting to a negative one.
Help them achieve their goals
Encourage your partner when they are pushing towards a personal goal, be it an interview or running a marathon!
Things to avoid
As we have said above, people whose love language is words will hear positives as messages to their heart, and negatives as a destructive force – accusations, and criticisms are like daggers so be careful how you approach them.
These are the things to avoid if your partner’s love language is words:
- Don’t use hurtful words
- Don’t condescend
- Don’t overly tease
- Don’t manipulate
- Don’t fake it
- Don’t be overly sarcastic
Value your partner
When it comes right down to it everyone wants to be valued and appreciated in life. When people are in a new relationship they make a real effort at the start, to be complementary in all the right places, and yet we often forget as the relationship gets to the comfy stage and become complacent.
Bond with your partner
When you form a bond with another human being, they need to know that “you have their back”, you do this by words or deeds of love language that speak directly to their heart.